JESSICA

MICKEY

Mick always used to say "you TALK too much"... and, in true fashion, this will be loooong - but bear with me for one last time.

First, let me share Micks last day...
I took Mick back to the vet in the morning.  He hadn't been doing well, and had stopped eating a couple of days ago.
He looked tired.  He seemed to be in pain and he had a hard time breathing.
He didn't put up a struggle while he was being sedated, but he did give a token growl, just to keep up appearances.
We waited for him to "go under".  30 minutes later... we still waited.  The vet and I had talked in the meantime, and I knew it was bad... if your vet has tears in her eyes after having almost been mauled several times over the past three years - you know the news can't be good.
We waited some more, and finally Mick got another shot.  Still, his ears kept perking up and his eyes would not close.
I asked one of the vet techs to get us an ice cream from McDonalds, and after Mick had that we got comfortable on the floor.  The vet left the room and turned off the lights... I was laying on my back w/my head against the door, and Mick was next to me with his head on my chest.
We had a long talk, and every so often the tip of his tail would wag a little bit... just enough to let me know that he was listening, and agreeing... or not.
I thanked him for the best almost-seven years of my life.  I told him that it was an honor to have shared my life with him, and that I knew he was only hanging on for my sake.
I promised that I would take good care of "his Jessica" for him, and that he didn't have to worry about us.
I told him I loved him so many times that he finally rolled his eyes at me and snorted.
He also got a third shot.
In true Beast fashion it took enough sedation for a 95-pound dog, and over two hours, before he finally gave in and went to sleep.

The vet did more blood work, some fine needle aspirations, and a physical exam.  Micks liver and spleen were extremely swollen, the lymphnodes around his throat were so swollen that he almost couldn't swallow.  Even w/a prednisone shot and/or oral chemo he might've only had 2-3 weeks left... and he would've been in pain and very uncomfortable.

I had him euthanized while he was still under sedation, and I held him until his heart stopped and he wasn't breathing anymore.
I know the neurons do their thing after death... and when Mick sort of twitched and moved...  everyone except me took a quick step away from the table... pure reflex... but he would've had a big smile on his face over that one.  He scared the vet one final time, my big goof ball of a dog.

What else is there to say...

a piece of my heart died when he passed, and I will miss him.

He's been a better friend to me than most people I know, and he was my family.

Those of us whom he loved he loved completely, and without reservation.  He was loyal to a fault, and the most forgiving being I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.

He was funny.  He was stubborn.  He was a creature of habit.
He might've hated people, but he was kind and loving towards all the little creatures that came and went through our house during his lifetime.
He was generous.  He had a huge heart and a smile to match.

Most of all - he loved life.  He truly lived life to the fullest whenever possible, and he was happiest when he could spend his time with us.  Didn't matter where we were, or what we did... as long as he was with us, he was content.

Mick changed me in ways I never could've imagined... and I am grateful that I had the opportunity to have him in my life.  He brought so much joy and happiness in my world... and that's the only reason I let him go. 

I owed him that.

Be at peace now, my beautiful goofy boy.
I love you.  I will miss you.
And THANK YOU for having been "mine" as long as you were.